right.

You dont care and you want me to stop talking about it and that is perfectly fine. for a second im going to pretend like you aren't there though so you can just roll your eyes.

it feels like my best friend died. she was there and now she is suddenly gone. she is almost with this new boy now that i did not know about because she is not talking to me. in the world of girl best friends it is really bad when she wont talk to you about a new boy. i dont like that she is selfish and jealous and insecure and immature but those things are not what i knew of her for so long. we were besties for 5 solid years before any of the backing off started to happen. i cant change who she is now and im sure as hell not going to change my life in any way to mold to her new self but it really really really breaks my heart that im never going to have that girl again. im going to stay away from the "a piece of my heart has been ripped out of my chest!" kind of things because that is too lame but really...it feels like she died.

i love her so much. you dont understand why. we were ride or die. i want her back in my life so badly. no matter what happens it looks like someone is going to end up unhappy, and from the looks of it im just going to take that and "get over her", which everyone seems to think is easy as motherfucking pie. "you don't need her in your life, friends dont act like that." well actually, i think you should stfu (my little voice in a non threatening manner...because i would never actually tell you to shut the fuck up). my insides really hurt. and i dont care that i am a girl and only a girl would ever say anything like that.

ps i love you and i miss you.