what?

so i am confused and sad and pissed off and probably feeling everything else on the planet. im going to say that i really dont like you for that.

so lately

i have ha a lot of time to just think about things, and i have concluded that things are good, though certain people being in certain places is less than desireable.

i saw two people the other night who i absolutely despise. i was not in a normal state of mind, thankfully, because otherwise i would have not handled myself so well. i started laughing, REALLY laughing, like on the floor you might pee your pants laughing at my unfortunate circumstance in this moment and it made me forget about all the bad things and i realized how over it i am. and it was even better because i could tell she was so pissed i was there. suck on that, ho.

i miss you. i feel distant lately and i really dont like that but i guess the world has not ended yet. more like you just have better things to do, although in 2 weeks you wont. i cant be excited yet because i dont feel like you even care.

tonight is a good night for star gazing and bonfires and good conversations.

right.

You dont care and you want me to stop talking about it and that is perfectly fine. for a second im going to pretend like you aren't there though so you can just roll your eyes.

it feels like my best friend died. she was there and now she is suddenly gone. she is almost with this new boy now that i did not know about because she is not talking to me. in the world of girl best friends it is really bad when she wont talk to you about a new boy. i dont like that she is selfish and jealous and insecure and immature but those things are not what i knew of her for so long. we were besties for 5 solid years before any of the backing off started to happen. i cant change who she is now and im sure as hell not going to change my life in any way to mold to her new self but it really really really breaks my heart that im never going to have that girl again. im going to stay away from the "a piece of my heart has been ripped out of my chest!" kind of things because that is too lame but really...it feels like she died.

i love her so much. you dont understand why. we were ride or die. i want her back in my life so badly. no matter what happens it looks like someone is going to end up unhappy, and from the looks of it im just going to take that and "get over her", which everyone seems to think is easy as motherfucking pie. "you don't need her in your life, friends dont act like that." well actually, i think you should stfu (my little voice in a non threatening manner...because i would never actually tell you to shut the fuck up). my insides really hurt. and i dont care that i am a girl and only a girl would ever say anything like that.

ps i love you and i miss you.

damn my head hurts.

so this girl went into the hospital the other night because she had dislocated both of her thumbs having sex. the same night a woman went into the hospital with a twisted knee sort of thing because she fell off the bed when her and her husband were "having some fun." im sure that sort of stuff happens all the time at hospitals all over but it makes me laugh. it must have been some good sex.





I saw a guy get pwned by a bicycle that he walked out in front of while texting. this is the same day that there is an article in the school newspaper about the "dangers of text-walking."


Apparently in London there are lampposts and telephone poles that are covered in padding to rid text-walkers of such "hazards." I will never believe that this is real.

People make me want to spit in their faces. That statement is so grammatically incorrect but you get my point. Spitting takes a minimal amount of effort (sometimes...I am a particularly bad spitter...) while yelling or crying or hitting or kicking or throwing things takes work. Fuck me having to work when they should not be breathing anyway.

so this is like a shot in the dark.

I don't want you to think that im crazy jealous or anything. I would normally keep this to myself and not write it in a blog because quite frankly, it is lame. But also quite frankly, I don't give a shit...because I am a hot mess.

I want you to be happy because I like you the most when you are happy so I don't exactly know why im so weird, I think its because you don't seem excited about anything pertaining to seeing me? because you are just thinking about lady gaga and bloc party and jeans? I feel unimportant most of the time because I am so far away...and I get that you have a life that is more than me as it should be, but I want some lovin'. I get freaked out because I love you so much and I dont want you to think that I am crazy so i dont like to talk to you about certain things...Im just lonely, really lonely, and I wish I was with you. If you could ever do anything to make me happy it would be proving Cecilia wrong as hell. That's all.

bahhhhh.

I was listening to Birds and having quite the dandy time when i fell down the stairs. cement stairs. I'm sure it looked funny but no one laughed. oh well.

But he was looking at her all funny in the eye. she said, "come on boy tell me what you're thinking, now don't be shy." he said, "alright. i'll try. all the stars up in the sky and the leaves in the trees, all the broken bits that make you jump up and grassy bits inbetween...all the matter in the world is how much i like you."

things on my mind today:
1. chimpanzees are 99% gentically similar to us.
2. im going to try to fit "loony bin" into by description of a days events.
3. strawberry, peach, or banana? i need new chapstick.
4. fruit flys can get mutations and develop ectopic eyes on their poor genitals. considering they study mutations in fruit flies to help understand humans im concerned that one day i might encounter a penis that is actually staring back at me.
5. I get to walk through the woods and im so excited I might dance.

war.

so i dont really like straylight run anymore but i do still love Hands in the Sky. Im listening to it right now and i cant even tell you how perfectly it fits my mood. If i was a song it would be this one.

Today was kind of really shitty. i hate everyone, well not everyone, but i hate people. when i say i hate people, fuck "hate" being a strong word, because i really hate them. I want to believe in humanity again, like we all did when we were young, but a big big fucking miracle is going to have to happen if that is ever going to come about. However, there are always those few people, like you if you're reading this, that are the exceptions to everything i say about hating everyone. thank you and i love you with everything that i have.

Ive watched a lot of Lost today, and i really really love it.

im glad she said no or i'd have to slap that ho.

this blog thing is supposed to be about things that we like, so im going to go way back to the basics: I LIKE IT WHEN PEOPLE ARE NICE TO ME. i was defeated today for no apparent reason besides he was just too good to talk to me and i do not have any patience for any of that shit today. it made me love you a lot more though, which i did not think was possible.

i love white ninja comics.

your mind's in disturbia.

apparently chris brown's mind is in some sort of disturbia, because he has ruined his life by beating her up.

why are boys so dumb?
even the ones who are not dumb do dumb things sometimes.
and why is Olivia such a bitch?
i hate hate hate hate her. if you call yourself a "socialite" you just want people to think you are important because you have nothing going on and you suck. if she didn't look like a rat i would like her more, but she isnt even a real life person so i guess she is just there to irritate girls like me that strive to be nothing like her.

i want to be one of those people who knows a lot about wine.
to accomplish this i am going to france. or italy. i like italian a lot more.

Why I hate everone.

I cant seem to understand why everyone around me is such a douche. If you didnt want me to be there just say so. Dont try to dis me cause I know your secrets. Like how you slept and not just next to your "friend." I really cant understand why you did that your mad cause your ex just did the same thing to you. Obviously you didnt really care you just wanted to be a Bitch. Your "friends" they all sluts, well not all cause their not getting any. B.O. dont be mad cause your not that hot. actually your not attractive in any way thats why your dating a fat slob. Pound i dont even know how you got that name. You are so huge your pant size is um.. umm. Bitch lose some weight. Bob you are a just a little boy. No one likes you. get over your little man syndrom and get some clearasil. Joe you just an idiot. I hate you all. You can all go get fucked and live in your trailor park together.

this is why im hot

so, i LOVE making lists. and I also hate facebook. so i put this here because i would rather you read it than those bitches. Its a list of the 25 songs that I can't live without and i can listen to over and over and not get tired of. So it's like my life in a list. Nick, I want you to do this too because I love you.

1. Shout- Tears for Fears
2. The Wretched- Nine Inch Nails
3. Trojan Horse- Bloc Party
4. Everyone Nose (remix)- N.E.R.D
5. Not the Sun- Brand New
6. Mouthwash- Kate Nash
7. Alegria- err...Cirque du Soleil
8. Many Funerals- Eisley
9. Pour Some Sugar on Me- Def Leppard
10. The Con- Tegan & Sarah
11. Boy With A Coin- Iron & Wine
12. Closer- Kings of Leon
13. The Dope Show- Marilyn Manson
14. Message of Love- Journey
15. Space Monkey- Placebo
16. So- Tracy Chapman
17. Two Step (only live version)- Dave Matthews Band
18. Radar- Britney Spears
19. The Warmth- Incubus
20. I Can Barely Breathe- Manchester Orchestra
21. War All the Time- Thursday
22. Inertia Creeps- Massive Attack
23. Electric Feel- MGMT
24. Out of Control- She Wants Revenge
25. Split Needles- The Shins

WHO iiiis this bitch?

CAMEL TOE CAMEL TOE CAMEL TOE
oh dear.
i saw one today and almost yelled it like who? rock of love charm school. camel toe with furry boots, WHO iiiss this bitch trying to be?
i have become increasingly tired of the cold. It's such a sad time of year.
People are almost completely unapproachable when its cold. Coats, earmuffs, gloves...furry boots.......CAMEL TOE. Not that camel toe cannot be witnessed in the summertime but at least there is some skin to look at too. Everything is just dead now...but my love is just blossoming! Kind of not kidding in a way but I feel like being sarcastic to a fault today.

or perhaps...

16. I am extremely turned on by the look of shiny things on skin. Not turned on in the sense that I want my clothes ripped off but it makes me very aware of that person or myself or whoever. Things, particularly the collar bone area, look so much cuter and light-ish when there is jewelry and i love it a lot. You might need to be in my head to understand.

17. Sometimes when im by myself I put my headphones on and turn up the music as loud as I can possibly stand it, close my eyes, and pretend like I am somewhere else. The feeling of music surrounding me, even if I cant actually be surrounded by it, makes me feel like im alive but dead at the same time.

18. I have had this Winnie The Pooh pencil since 10th grade.

19. Damn, I do not understand anything.

20. People tend to think I am extremely sensitive and quiet and sweet but I think they are all wrong in a way. I take criticism well and think its all very good and constructive, so tell me how you feel and I will have a huge amount of respect for your honesty. Im quiet most of the time but I rant a lot. and actually, I do strive to be a nice person so that is alright.

21. "Going to sleep" encompasses so many things besides actual sleep. It usually takes at least an hour for me to fall asleep because that is the one time during the day where everything is quiet and dark and i can just think about stupid stuff. Plus, I have to find the cold spots.

22. The girl in high school that made me want to get my eyebrow pierced and grow my hair long was really beautiful. The boy in high school that I had the biggest crush on would always eat Goldfish at lunch and was really beautiful. When I was 17 they got married and my heart exploded (the bad way).

23. When I was little I used to stay at my grandmas and she would come in and lay with me and tell me the most ridiculous stories about whatever I wanted, most of the time they were about animals. I looked forward to those stories more than the food, especially the fish ones. Before the stories though we would watch the Hoosier Lottery and Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman or whatever it was called. Strangely, those were probably the best times of my life.

24. I am that bitch that finds total entertainment and pleasure in watching the pain of others. I mean the kind of you pain where you totally try to save yourself only to eventually fall on your ass or flip over your bicycle or run into a wall or get hit by a door.

25. Most of all, I would really like to say "I will always love you" but then you will just think of Whitney Houston instead of me.

you might be totally uninterested.

Today I saw this list that was a 25 Random Things list that someone posted about themselves and considering I have absolutely nothing better to do besides you here I go:

1. If you must fucking smoke, do not fucking blow it in my face. Waiting for the bus today a guy walked by me and turned his lips so it was went into my eyes and it made them burn. Another girl said "thanks! fucking douchebag." and I kind of fell in love with her for a second.

2. I took the most wonderful walk through the woods today walking from class and didn't even realize how good it was until after the fact. It snowed a bunch last night and it had started to freeze rain so there was snow on the tree branches and the rain was making this light patting sound. I stopped walking and just stood there and had this whole life lesson kind of thing because I realized that I let way too many things make me unhappy all the time. I choose to blame everyone else for my unhappiness when really, it's my fault that I let those people bother me. I say this in the hope that whenever I am pissed off because someone was just a douche for whatever reason I don't let it bother me when really, I dont think im capable of that. That's okay though, because something so small like a walk or a "I love you" can take it away ten fold.

3. There are many things in my life that I regret not doing, but all the things in my life now have been put into place because of what I have not done. I really am going to try and not think about every little thing in the future though, because it makes some things miserable. things, things, things.

4. Some pain is actually a very good thing. Don't think im a hard ass BY ANY MEANS or some kind of bitch but really, it hurts so good i got a soregasm, right?

5. I really, really, really love having deep conversations. They are especially good when you find out something so surprising about someone that you would have never ever known if you didn't have that conversation, whatever it be about and then later you go back over it and feel like it was a one shot in hell kind of situation. Plus, it builds trust and trust is a very comforting thing that most of us wish we had more of.

6. This list is going to be very long. 25 is a lot even though my brain is absolutely full of the most fascinating topics. totally kidding.

7. Anticipating something that you have wanted for so long, and realizing that you are actually going to get it soon is fantastic. You can interpret that however you want, but if you really knew me you would know exactly what I was talking about.

8. I would fall head over heels in love with any boy that cooked for me. Im not the only one either I know it so boil the water, slice the potatoes, and GET NAKED, please.

9. I used to wake up at 5 every morning in elementary school to watch Beetlejuice. That show was fucking ridiculous and I miss it so much.

10. February might be one of my favorite months, because it is so strange.

11. I love dark colors. Dark red, dark blue, black (dont even), dark purple...but not dark green or brown or anything because they look like ass.

12. Dear boys, look like anyone else and you wont be noticed and I will never think you are special. But if you have really really nice jeans that actually fit your ass or a silver jacket or some yellow pants or a tattoo that is half hidden when you sit in front of me I will be extremely intrigued and will likely remember you and think about you a lot.

13. I would do almost anything to have my Skip-It back. I suppose I could just buy another one though.

14. I long to live in a city but at the same time at some point in my life I have to lie on a roof and yes, look at the stars. I know absolutely nothing about stars, but im hoping that whoever I am laying on the roof with can at least talk to me about how small and real they feel in that moment.

15. I hate Jello. I hate it a lot.

Im going to cut it off because I must take a nap. night night, love.

Sometimes..

I only want to talk to you. No one else. I love our conversations. I love you.

I want you here. I want to just be with you. You can make this better.

Get the Fuck Up!

Having a bad day. Cant understand your roomates. Wake them up like tanisha. They cant understand her either.

Ksubi x Tiga

Tiga legendary dj from montreal is teaming up with Ksubi to create the most awsome glasses ever. These glasses will only be avalible at ksubi retailers. Only in Europe so check them out and try them on.

look.

i tried to make animals out of condoms once. it didn't work.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t5sTBrs4fhQ

in bed.

i love you because you light me up and make me laugh, and i love you because just your voice makes me feel better.
i love you because you are a good kind of mean.
i love you because we like our eggs the same way, you eat a lot, and you drink coffee.
i love you because you are that kind of girlie boy that is boyish that i have always wanted but could never ever find.
i love you because you love music and movies and the good things.
i love you because your smile is very contagious.
i love you because i can tell how you feel by the tone of your voice.
i love you because you are there when i need you.
but i hate you because you are not here with me when i want you here with me, which would be always.
i miss you a lot.

my lab skills CAN come in handy!

It is negative something ridiculous outside. I threw a little fit inside my cocoon of warmness today because the wind just hated me.

I decided to be a wizard of cold because someone on the news did it so I got a glass of water and took it outside. You know how you throw water out of a cup onto the grass or whatever when you are emptying the cup? I did that and the water froze before it hit the ground and then broke into tiny pieces when it hit the snow and it was really cool. It didn't work with Coke or coffee but it made me really really happy.

As good as chapstick feels, whenever I have it on I feel dirty somehow. I feel as if i did something really sloppy (oh dear!) and forgot to wipe the sticky off. Its like "ooh...Cayla's lips are sticky I wonder what she has been doing."

My anthropology prof. told us today about how he spent a year of his life measuring monkey testes. He might be a cool guy, maybe not.

Megan Fox is ridiculously hotter than Jessica Biel, even though she is engaged to an ugly man. Hot girls have bad taste.

Crazy..

So after looking around I found Silly Thing, a Japan based label, has just launched so rags at Colette. So if your in France....Kat...Check it out it will be worth your while.

Hot or Not

So today after school my co-worker Brian and I were talking about who's hotter: Megan Foxxx or Jessica Biel.

Of course I said hot Megan Fox but Brian says Jessica Biel. You decide. Oh yeah June 26, 2009 Transformers 2 starring HOT MEGAN FOX

Uno Momento...

Okay so this is the first of many. I decided that I need to let Kat know about her country of residence. I wanted to live vicariously through her. Ugh I want to live in France. I envy you. Anyway....

This is also about Cayla. She's my wife (to be),maybe. She loves everything thats why I love her. She is open to change and will take my criticizim. Which I know can be hard. She plus him thats what we are.

Yes like the band. Did anyone ever notice that Katy Perry looks like her.

Ok so cool new stuff to blog about! YAY!

So I love Stephen Sprouse since way before Marc Jacobs, but Marc Jacobs knows him personaly. You got me there Marc. Jerk.

The Louis Vuitton/Stephen Sprouse collection is amazing. If you have money to blow buy something. Personally I love the Bangles. I would totally rock those then tell personal shopper to shove it.